Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Happy hollidays!

What is it about the Hollidays all around is food, food and more food!!! Sometimes people will not understand and push you, saying "o c'mon its not that bad" and you get the eye rolling. Then others support you and give you high fives but it is hard to imagine any one who truly understands. There is so much mental torment when your food addict mind tells you that you want something, not only that but you deserve it and need it even though deep down you know you shouldn't have it. I can honestly say that since WED 12/2 I have been in control of everything I put in my body and as much as I am celebrating that win I am also in a panic over how long I can make it last. Those are the moments I have to remind myself to keep it one day at a time. I have spent so much of my life medicating with food, going through the motions and keeping up appearances that I have missed just being present in my own life. That is something I am working on! I am going to attend an OA meeting this week which will deffinitely help.

I am waiting for my bodybugg in the mail!!! We thought we could get it at the gym but turns out we had to have it shipped! I can't wait to get it! I am looking forward to seeing my caloric burn!

Tonight I will be hitting the gym for the hip hop hustle cardio class and it will be my sixth day this week, and my body feels it. I am sore all over! I need to stay focused though because I will be weighing in tomorrow and I want to have a positive experience. I am nervous because I just started my monthly and that can cause your weight to go up. I guess we will see! Small victory, last night while doing inventory at work I had to go to the back freezer. There are jackets back there and the last time I wore one the XL would not zip up. Last night not only did it zip but I had a little wiggle room! OK so it may be a little crazy to cry in a freezer because your jacket fits but that small victory helped me avoid the pizza party dinner! It is so crazy how we put ourselves on this circle of self sabotage. First we eat the bad food, then we are too tired to excerise so we beat ourselves up and eat more bad food. This goes on until we are so overwhelmed that we resign ourselves to the fact that this fat body must be our identity. I am a prisoner in this body! But the key is that only I can set myself free and it will take time, sweat and tears!

Sorry to have rambled on but that is where my head is right now. Till next time.........

1 comment:

  1. AWESOME blog Meghan!! Keep up the GREAT work...that jacket fitting last night was a HUGE win! It is hard to be around people who have never struggled with weight because they have no idea what it is like...one day at a time is all it takes...hope all is well!