I need to start with an apology I know it has been far too long since my last post!!! I will make amends by sharing my latest results....
Today I am weighing 177lbs!!! My total weight loss is 60lbs and my total inches lost is 30.75 which by the way is the length of my leg :) I am wearing a size 14 pants now and I even have quite a few size MED shirts!!!
So my goals for April were to get more comfortable drawing attention to myself physically and doing more things for myself to make me feel better about my outward appearance. I was celebrating my birthday in April also so that gave me another great reason to shop!!!
If you had told me one year ago that I would be celebrating my birthday getting sweaty and have a TURBO celebration I would have said your crazy!!! But that is just what I did on 4/17/10 and I loved every minute of it!
Then we hit the beach and I was so excited to have a new bathing suit! It was such an amazing feeling to go to the beach and not have to wear a Teeshirt or a pair of shorts over it to feel comfortable!
On Saturday everyone got together to go out for a night on the town. I got a new haircut and I had a slammin new outfit from Miss Trendy!! For the first time when I went out with my friends I felt like I belonged I wasn't just their fat friend they thought was funny, I was HOT! and I was confident and self assured. It is true that if you feel great about yourself you project that happiness and you are more attractive. We hit the town and lived it up!!! I got to do all my favorite things there was Karaoke, dancing and yeah there was Petron :).
I made sure to eat a healthy meal before we hit the club because it is important to set yourself up for success!!!
I took an important step this month and confronted a heavy burden in my heart. I started this journey at 237lbs and I couldn't believe I had let myself get that big. While there are a number of reasons why I medicated myself with food the cycle continued because I allowed myself to be a victim of those circumstances. I let all the things that had gone wrong in my past control my future. So I wrote em all down everything that I allowed myself to dwell on and hide behind I wrote on paper. I sat down with Alli and shared my past. WHEW it was scary giving a voice to some things I wanted to keep buried inside but I knew if I could get it all out I could let it all go. After it was over we ripped up those pages and I said goodbye forever. Goodbye to the girl who hides her pain behind jokes and food! Goodbye to a girl who did not think her life was worth fighting for! And goodbye to failure because my friend Alli has helped me see that my brain is wired to know the failure is not an option!! Through all the physical weight loss I have not felt as light as I did when I allowed myself to let go of all that baggage!!!
So I am still working out 6 days a week and I have set my goal to be in a range between 120lbs and 140lbs on Sept 2nd. I have been saying for too long that I need more resistance training and Alli has been saying it too, so I am taking it to the extreme!!! I have started P90X!!! I am committing to 30 days of using P90X for resistance and seeing how far I can push myself!! Tonight I came home from HUSTLE and did Chest and Back which consists of pushups all kinds and pullups!!! Tony wasn't kidding when he said it was the mother of all P90X workouts but I did it!! I pushed through and was able to finish the workout! I could not even have attempted that 5 months ago and I am so proud of how far I have come!
I know that I am still on this journey and while it is easy to say I want the quick fix I can honestly say today with conviction that it is the journey and not the destination that makes all the difference. I am living this life on this journey much happier than I have ever been and it is a comfort to know this journey does not have to end in fact it will live on and so will I, longer and healthier!